So this being the first post I shall allow myself some self-indulgence. Partly to remind myself why I am doing this, but also partly as a reference point in time to look back in, and hope to see how writing this blog has helped.
As a parent I can say that I have seen and experienced a lot of the harder parts of parenting. We have dealt, or are dealing, with some pretty severe mental health issues. One of my children is severely disabled, and has frequently introduced us, to the issues surrounding childhood bereavement. On top of which, my children are all of the age that they require me to do pretty much everything for them. There are many people whom have experienced more extreme parental pressures, but the vast majority deal with much more day to day problems than I do.
The consequence of this is that pretty much all I do, is parent. I do take a little bit of time to sleep, but that is interrupted throughout the night, to the extent that not even my sleeping hours feel like they belong to me. In fact, even writing this at what should be the quietest time of the night, 9ish pm, I can hear a grumbling voice needing to be settled. My partner works, very very hard. This might not continue for long but has been for the last year or so. The upside of this is that, for now at least, we have escaped the additional tedium of poverty.
As I sit in my kitchen, with my son’s half finished homework to my left I am feeling terrible about the poor communication between my 1st born and I. My impatience with him seemed to ensure that just completing half of it was painful for us both. There is an unholy pile of clean washing needing to be put away. There is a half chewed rubber all over the floor, I really cannot explain why. In a rare loss of temper I threw open a box which now needs to be tidied. And there is a pile of syringes that need to be cleaned meticulously before morning. On the monitor my 2nd born, disabled son, is upping the tempo of his grumbles. I am wondering how long I can resist his calls. On top of all that, I am tired, really really tired and want only one thing more than a long sleep…. that is a deep and uninterrupted meditation. I want peace, real deep peace. This blog seeks to help me discover new ways of parenting that brings me peace.
Having been practicing meditation for many years, I had been so sure that meditation was my path, the ‘royal path’. However the frequency and consistency with which events, by which I mean children, interrupt my meditation has started me wondering if there is not another path I need to look for. The purpose of this blog therefore, is to help me seek ways to infuse my parenting with spirituality for my benefit and the consequential benefit of my lovely children.